How will we know?

In 11 days we go to panel to be (hopefully) approved as adoptive parents. Then comes the matching process. Our Social Worker seems confident that we will have profiles to look at straight away because our criteria is fairly open. Throughout the process we’ve tried not to think past panel day, we really wanted to take it one step at a time and not get ahead of ourselves. In fact, as someone who gets excited about Christmas in January, I have been incredibly self-controlled!

However, there is now very little to distract ourselves with, no forms or meetings or training days, and so inevitably our thoughts and conversation have turned to post July 5th. Aside from wondering when our children will finally be home, and desperately hoping they’ll be here for Christmas, our biggest question has really become ‘how will we know?’

DSCF4869We are very confident in our Social Worker, she knows us really well, she has so far worked really hard on our behalf, and she is genuinely concerned with the best interests of the children looking for families. And so when she starts to bring us profiles to look at, we’re confident that all of them will be sensible, good matches for us. And so now we’re wondering ‘how will we know?!’ And if all of them will be good, sensible matches, what would make us say no to the first one we see?

Should we be waiting for a fuzzy feeling? Or holding out for a child with less ‘issues’? Should we narrow our criteria? Should we look for profiles with cute photos?! How on earth will we know?!!!

When we were looking to ‘adopt’ our cats I looked at loads of websites with photos and descriptions. Both times I knew as soon as I saw the cats that we ended up adopting, and then did everything I could to make them ours.

Adopting children is quite a lot more complex and serious than adopting cats. I don’t think we can operate the same method.

When our Social Worker asked how we’d like to go about the matching process, we said we’d like her to do all of the searching, and bring us the profiles she thought were good matches. We knew if we started looking ourselves we’d fall in love with every face we saw, and we’d talk ourselves out of our original criteria that was decided with very sensible reason. We didn’t want to risk getting attached to photos of lots of other people’s children, and we didn’t want to risk pursuing matches that would ultimately not be approved because they weren’t at all sensible.

And so if we are only going to see profiles of children that fit our criteria, and that have been selected by a professional who knows us well, understands the system and cares for the children, why would we say no?

If you’ve adopted, I’d love to know your thoughts. How did you go about the matching process? How did you finally know? Or maybe you’re in the matching process now, has it been what you expected? Please leave a comment!



12 thoughts on “How will we know?

  1. Taj says:

    Hi we like yourselves were fairly open about the matches Dan had no strict criteria and flexible to change things. We did say we would prefer an older child, this meant that we were matched within a couple of months of panel with our son. We deliberately chose not to see any photos of him in the initial profile as we did not want to be biased by his photo. Although his profile was not the type of child we would have originally thought about a very active and bouncy child, we were looking at a quieter child who we could help draw out of their shell. The opposite has occurred he has settled down really well and being in a calmer house has calmed him down a bit and he is getting more excercise and doing activities with him. The deciding factor for us was seeing his DVD and having a bump into meeting which allowed us to get an understanding of his personality. We were approved by panel and there was a delay in matching panel as it was too close to Christmas for consider moving him and would have caused too much trauma. Ultimately waiting a little longer before starting introductions paid off and the hard work that the amazing foster carer and social workers put in paid off. He has settled in really well and we are very lucky that he was chosen to join our family. Good luck with your panel and enjoy the matching stage, trust your gut instinct as it is usually right. Our child was initially matched with a different couple but at the bump into meeting they felt he was not the right child for them, luckily he was matched with us instead.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rain or Shine Blogger says:

      Thanks, it’s funny how things work themselves out, isn’t it. We’ve thought about asking not to see photos when looking at profiles, but I’m worried that I’ll create a mental image of them and it will make it harder when they’re not what I imagined.


  2. blogfox14 says:

    One thing I would say is agree a system with your partner as you might not be together when a profile comes through. One got sent to us by email early on and we were both at work. I knew straight away (couldn’t tell you how) that he wasn’t the right child for us but hubby sent me a positive text and I spent the whole day panicking that he had fallen in love with him and I would need to burst his bubble!!!
    That didn’t happen but we agreed a traffic light system. If either of you feels it’s definitely not the right child, it’s a red and if either of you thinks red you don’t consider that child any further. If it’s Amber you continue until something changes your mind either way. Once you’re both on green then you’ve probably found your match.
    We found our own match very soon after approval . You need to get all the information and ask lots of questions but I think you do just know when it’s right.
    Good luck!! It’s a very exciting time xx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. ahopefuldad says:

    We were approved last week and are in this position now. I think we’ll just know when it’s right for us. We were sent a couple of profiles. One we immediately knew wasn’t for us (no idea why – there just wasn’t an instinctive feeling) and the other two are possibilities…


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