Showered with love…

When we first began telling people we were adopting, we had no idea how they would react. To us it was as exciting as the news, “we’re pregnant!” But we didn’t know if other people would feel the same. And certainly, some people asked why we wanted to look after other people’s children instead of having our own, some people asked if we got paid, some people told us horror stories of a friend of a friend who told them about a friend of a friend who adopted and then was murdered by the child. But on the whole, people were generally interested in the process and excited that we were going to be parents.

We were really touched by relatives ringing up to offer stair gates and by friends asking regularly if we had any news. In fact, as we approached panel, we spent most Sunday mornings at church answering questions about when and where the panel would be and receiving prayers and best wishes. We were actually quite overwhelmed by how excited our church family were to meet the latest members!

But it wasn’t until this Friday that I realised how many people were behind us. Friday was my surprise Adoption Shower! I’m not sure if that is a thing, but it is now apparently! I had absolutely zero idea that it was going to happen, but later found out that it had been planned for a very long time, before we even went to panel for approval! Most of the ladies from my church family were there, as well as relatives – some of whom had travelled 6 hours, with a 6 month old baby in tow!

It was a little bit different to a baby shower in that nobody discussed childbirth (phew!) but otherwise we played games, ate cake, talked, laughed and prayed together. I don’t think I have ever felt so loved as I did on Friday night. Surrounded by my dearest friends and family, celebrating my children. For a long time, I had thought that might never happen.

It was certainly not the reaction we were expecting when we first started telling people. The way we have been completely embraced in our journey so far reassures us that our children will be too, whatever their needs. And the support and prayer we have received so far gives us comfort that we won’t be on our own when it’s tough.

We are so thankful for our three families – his family, my family and our church family – and I don’t know how we would manage without the love and prayer and support. The importance of a good support network was really stressed when we began our journey and it has made such a difference to us so far, we don’t even have our children yet!

DSCF4910.JPGThe highlight of Saturday evening was opening two blankets. It has become a tradition in our church for all the ladies to knit squares which are crocheted together and given to whoever is pregnant. We’re not having a baby and so I never expected that I would get a special baby blanket, but I have two! They will be treasured in our family forever as will all of the people who created them.

End of soppy post.

 

The Blessing of Childlessness

Believe me, those are not two words I ever thought I’d put together.

All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mother, to look after my family, and then to be a grandmother. And I was going to be really good at it. I’ve always been involved in children’s work at church, and it was something I was good at.

I was pretty sure I would be a very good mum.

Soon after we got married we decided to try and conceive naturally. We’d just joined a brand new church plant and most of the team were young married couples. It felt like everyone was having babies so we didn’t want to be left out! We read books about parenting, we planned how on earth we’d fit a baby into our one-bedroomed flat, we wrote a list of baby names. Every time we visited a family with young children, we’d talk about how they parented and what we would do the same and what we would do differently. We were pretty ready.

But God had other plans.

DSCF4785.JPG6 months. 1 year. 18 months. 19 months. 20 months. We were getting impatient. People were having their second babies, their third! People would say things like, “just you wait, you don’t know the meaning of tired!” “Are you free to babysit? It’ll be good practice!” “Drinking wine? You mustn’t be pregnant!” “Going to the cinema? You lucky things – make the most of it!” Well we didn’t want to wait anymore, we didn’t want any more practice! And we certainly didn’t feel lucky.

Soft cheese and wine are not a good trade off for a child.

We knew we were becoming a bit obsessed and we knew it wasn’t good for our marriage. We needed a strong marriage in which to raise children, and on which to build a life when the children grow up and move on. We purposely decided not to pursue medical advice for lots of reasons and so we decided to stop talking or thinking or trying, and just to enjoy each other, enjoy being married. To an extent it worked, we grew closer and more in love, but the desire for children of our own never went away. Last summer we decided to move on with Plan A and apply for adoption. We’d just bought our house and inherited some money, we were in a much more sensible position and much more likely to be approved!

The closer we get to meeting our children, the more we appreciate our years of childlessness.

Recently we’ve been listening to The Valley of Vision by Sovereign Grace, and it’s helped me to vocalise some of the things I’ve learnt:

  1. Motherhood had become my idol. I longed for my children more than I longed for my Father. “You stripped me of everything I would depend on, so I’d depend on You.”
  2. My bitterness was not other people’s fault because I’d been wronged, it was deeply rooted in pride. “And though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision, it’s here Your glory shines so bright. So let me learn… that my losses are my gain, to be broken is to heal, that the valley’s where You make me more like Christ.”
  3. Jesus suffered much more than I ever will, in order to bring an end to my suffering. “You knew darkness that I might know light. Wept great tears that mine might be dried.”

Although it still hurts deeply, we thank God for our time of childlessness. For how He has grown us and cared for us; for the time we have had to serve others and to learn from them; and most of all we thank God that He gave up His only child for us.

“He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD!” – Psalm 113